Feelings

Today i have a lot on my mind and i am trying to put all my thoughts in order. So if this seems disjointed, i'm sorry.

feelings...
For me is a strange concept. One minute u r over the moon happy, the next u can be totally down. U can have one day full have discontentment and frustration and the next u can be very excited and full of emotions.

This past week has been a good week, and im looking forward to a packed weekend. But even though i had a good week and generally was happy, there were things going on outside my own little world which made me wonder and shocked me into realising how one day things can be great and they can turn awful in a second.

This week in Malta a fostered 16 yr old Russian kid was found dead, he drowned, police say that they don't think it is suicide but the autopsy shows otherwise. What could have made this kid think that the last viable solution was death? why didnt anybody talk to him? what went on inside his head when he was jumping into the cold, cold february sea?

Yesterday in Germany another tragedy happened, another young person shot out at several students and the police ended up shooting him. Again y did this young person do dat? what did he feel? what was the intention?

So when i was feeling so happy and glad about all my great 1st semester grades, there was a kid who drowned himself, another one who shot out at others and ended up shot himself, a kid was diagnosed with childhood cancer and an adult died before his time. In the midst of this, somewhere a baby was born into this mixed up world

One never knows when his/her last day on Earth may be. You could have a terminal illness or else you may just drop and die. The thought that i could be saying good bye to my mum, dad, sister, brother, friends etc for the last time freaks me out. I know there is an after life, but where would my family and friends be?
The thought that one day i could actually die, actually stop breathing makes my heart quicken and makes me think of all the things i haven't yet done, all the things i haven't yet said.

in hospitals they say you know, you know when u r going to die. some doctors say that it is a look patients get in their eyes, some say there is a scent, a smell of death. Some think there's just some kind of sixth sense that when the great beyond is heading for you, you feel it coming. Whatever it is, it's creepy because if you do know, what do you do about it? forget about the fact that you're probably scared out of your mind.

If you knew this was your last day on Earth, how would you want to spend it?

Well these are my thoughts today.
much love
xxxxx